


Know you are Beloved

by Feisty_Slytherin, WhyTFNot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Death is James and Lily, Marriage Proposal, Minerva is basically Sirius's mom, Not Canon Compliant, Peter is a good liar, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Sirius and Remus trust each other, Snape gets punched in the face, Snape is a prick, Sorry Not Sorry, Wolfstar Big Bang 2019, angst so much angst, might turn into a series later, mom minerva, the prank never happened, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 09:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18914119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feisty_Slytherin/pseuds/Feisty_Slytherin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyTFNot/pseuds/WhyTFNot
Summary: Sirius comes home on October 2nd, 1981 and realizes something is wrong with Remus. They talk, and this changes everything. After the fateful night of October 31st, 1981, they take Harry back to London and start on a Journey that will change the wizarding world.Takes place from October 2nd, 1981 to November 2nd, 1981. So much can change in a month





	1. October 2nd, 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my co-creator WhyTFNot for their lovely artwork and inspiration for this work.  
> The beautiful work can be found in chapter 10. 
> 
> I plan on turning this into a series at a much later date so stay tuned.

Sirius slowly unlocked the door to the small dingy London flat he rented with his boyfriend, Remus. He was dreading coming home if he could even call it that anymore. As the war had drug on and the situation grew direr, Remus withdrew further into himself. He no longer allowed Sirius to run the full moon with him. When he was home, he barely spoke or looked at Sirius. He went to bed early curling into the wall instead of Sirius, waking at dawn. Sirius longed for his Remus back. His Remus would curl into him as he slept. Would come up behind him and kiss his neck as he cooked. Who loved to read and hated mornings. He missed running with Remus under the light of the full moon, howling at the sky.

His mind drifted back to the small velvet box hidden in his old school trunk. He had purchased the ring back in June. When he still had his Remus and rumors of a spy had yet to be spoken. Now Sirius had his doubts about Remus. He regularly missed meetings and would disappear for days without explanation, usually around the full moon. It was a poorly kept secret that most werewolves supported Voldemort. He had promised them rights and a chance for revenge. Sirius couldn’t shake the feeling that Remus had fallen for the lies. Remus had been unable to keep a job for longer than three months since graduating and rarely had one. He was unable to marry or have children. He wasn’t allowed to travel out of the country without special permission and a pre-approved reason. He was the lowest of the low according to the ministry. He was even lower than known criminals. Sirius reasoned it would be easy to fall for the empty promises when the world saw you as a monster. He had wanted to marry Remus, albeit illegally now he didn’t know if he could trust him. He had to get to the bottom of this it was slowly killing him.

The door clicked open, and Sirius scanned the dark flat. Remus was curled up in his favorite armchair a book open but hanging loosely in his grip. It was on the same page as when Sirius had left hours earlier. Remus hadn’t moved. Something was wrong. Remus loved to read and could read a book that size in a matter of hours. Sirius’s doubt in Remus began to falter. Had something happened to him? Was his withdraw due to something other than being a spy? Sirius had to know and wouldn’t know unless he asked. Sirius quietly closed the door, Remus didn’t even flinch. Sirius toed off his worn Doc Martins and quietly crossed the room. Remus flinched away as Sirius tried to kiss him gently.

Sirius kneeled in front of Remus trying to take his hand, Remus pulled his hand away. “Remus luv, what’s wrong. Something is eating away at you. You need to talk about it, tell me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Remus just shook his head violently as tears escaped his eyes, trying to hold in sobs. Sirius reached up taking the book from Remus and setting it aside before pulling the werewolf into his lap on the floor. Remus curled into Sirius burying his face in Sirius’s shoulder. Sobs racked Remus’s tall frame as Sirius slowly rocked him back and forth, drawing lazy circles on his back. They sat like that on the cold, linoleum floor. The orange light of the sunset slowly fading into darkness. Remus’s sobs slowly turned into dry heaves as he ran out of tears. Sirius could feel his heart shattering for Remus. He knew now Remus was not the spy, but something horrible had happened to him.

“Moony, what happened to you. What is going on?” Sirius was fighting back tears trying not to break.

“I can’t tell you,” Remus’s voice was quiet and horse.

“You can tell me anything, Remus. You know that right. I love you, Moons, with everything that I am. You can tell me anything, and I would never judge, I could never stop loving you. I want to help. We’re a team; we’re the team, Remus.”

“He forbid me from telling anyone, even you.”

“Who Remus,” Sirius asked though he knew the answer, Dumbledore, the master of secrets.

“Dumbledore,” Remus’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Bullshit Remus, he doesn’t force James and Lilly to keep secrets from each other. He doesn’t make Frank lie to Alice. Arthur doesn’t keep anything important from Molly. Why can’t you tell me?”

“We’re different from them.” Remus’s eyes were wet again.

“How Remus, we’ve been together since 4th year. Hell, we’ve been together longer than James and Lily. Why can’t you tell me?”

“We aren’t married Sirius” Remus almost shouted.

Sirius’s heart stopped for a minute, and he forgot to breathe. He knew Remus blamed himself that they couldn’t get married. Knew he thought it was his fault. He made a split-second decision; this had gone on long enough. Sirius grabbed the grip of his wand in his pocket summoning the ring. He needed Remus to know just how important he was, how much he meant to him. The small box landed in his open palm. Remus stared at him with wide eyes.

Sirius pulled Remus in close opening the box. “Remus, my moon, I love you more than I thought possible. Just seeing you makes my heart soar. I love the way you stick out the end of your tongue when you read. I love the way you pull me close after a nightmare. I love the way you trust me. I want to spend forever wrapped in your arms.” Sirius took a breath before continuing, “Remus John Lupin will you do me the honor of letting me steal your last name. Marry me and spend forever by my side.”

Remus was staring transfixed by the ring nestled in the black silk of the box. The ring was a thick band of bright silver, a band of sparkling crushed diamonds ran through the middle.  Remus’s Adam’s Apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, looking for words. After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke. “Why would you want to marry me. We can’t get married, Sirius.”

Sirius took the ring from the box slipping it on Remus’s finger. It stood out in stark contrast to Remus’s olive skin. “Screw the law, Remus. I’m sure Minnie would marry us if we asked, it just wouldn’t be official. And of course, I want to marry you. You, moonbeam are the moon to my stars. My compliment in every way. You complete me and make me who I am. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you in it. I’ve never put much stock in the idea of soulmates, but if they do exist, you are most definitely mine.”

“I’m a monster, Sirius. You don’t know the things I’ve seen and done since we started fighting this war. What Dumbledore has me doing.”

“Remus, I will always love you. You aren’t a monster. You sing horribly off key to The Beatles in the shower. You take your tea with way too much sugar. You drink more whipped cream than you do hot chocolate. You keep your quill behind your ear, and your hands are covered in ink stains. You are not a monster Remus. Whatever you have done or seen is to help protect people. To help stop evil. War makes us do things we would never dream of doing in the name of protection. No matter what you have done, you are still a good person because you did them for the right reasons. The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are. You act on the good; you are good.”

Remus slowly raised his hand, examining the ring, letting the diamond catch the light of the setting sun. “It doesn’t burn.”

“It’s made of a metal called Tungsten. It’s supposed to look like silver.”

“Oh,” Remus took off the ring, examining the inscription inside.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I didn’t ask so you would tell me. I actually bought the ring months ago. I should have asked you then. I love you Remus but if you need an excuse to tell me, here it is. If you still don’t want to tell me to know I trust you. I will always trust you.”

“I don’t have a ring for you.” Remus had slid the ring back on.

Sirius reached for one of the many chains hanging around his neck. On it was a black ring with a band of crushed moonstone. “Already ahead of you, babe.” Sirius yanked the chain off handing the ring to Remus extending his left hand. Remus’s hands were shaking as he slid the ring from the chain. He stared at it for a moment before sliding it on Sirius’s ring finger.

“We’re engaged.” Remus laughed. He took Sirius’s face in his hands kissing him softly. “I love you Pads.”

Sirius pulled Remus close. “I love you, Moony,” he whispered before kissing Remus to an inch of his life.


	2. October 3rd, 1981

Remus woke up with the early morning sun on his face. He felt the warm presence of Sirius pressed against his bare chest. Their legs tangled in the sheets. He could feel the cold press of metal on his ring finger. A smile slowly spread, he was engaged, Padfoot wanted to marry him.

“Morning my moonbeam.” Sirius had turned in his embrace, peppering his face with chaste kisses.

“Good morning, fiancé.” Remus couldn’t stop grinning.

“I think I could get used to that.” Sirius smiled as he ran his fingers through Remus’s dirty blonde curls. “But I could think of something I’d like more.”

“And what is that Pads” Remus carefully removed Sirius’s bun running his fingers through the inky black strands.

“Husband, or Mr. Sirius Orion Lupin. Both sound so much better.”

The smile disappeared off Remus’s scared face, “Sorry” he whispered

“You have nothing to be sorry for luv.” Sirius’s Mercury gazes unwaveringly.

“You’ll never get to be Mr. Lupin all because of me.”

“Remus darling look at me,” Sirius gently cupped Remus’s face. “I don’t need to marry you to be your husband. If we asked, Minnie would bond us without a legal marriage. To the general public, I would still be a Black, but to those who matter we would be husbands.”

“But it’s all my fault.” Remus’s voice was shaking again.

“It isn’t your fault. You didn’t choose this. If it is anyone’s fault, it is that bastard Greybacks fault. I love you; moonbeam nothing will change that. We’ll get through this war, then Minnie will marry us. Maybe in the rolling hills of Snowdonia where you grew up or on the banks of the Black Lake where we first said I love you. Or outside the Shrieking Shack where we had our first kiss. Then we raise hell. We march into the ministry, and we change things for the better. We give you everything Voldemort is promising. Then we get married for real. It will be extravagant and over the top. We have it make every society page just to piss off my parents. We can adopt a whole brood of children and live in a huge farmhouse in the country raising chickens. We’ll grow old together and hire a whole team of potioneers and healers to find a cure or something to help. I’ve heard they are close to finding a breakthrough with wolfsbane. We can live the life we’ve dreamed about we only need to survive this war. To end it.”

“I’m a spy,” the words flew from Remus’s lips. Sirius almost missed what he said. His heart was sinking as realization struck.

“What do you mean you’re a spy” Sirius was searching Remus’s face looking for something, anything. “What are you talking about, luv.”

“Dumbledore has me spying on Greyback.” Remus had looked away ashamed.

Sirius was lost for words so he did the only thing he could think of. He pulled Remus in as close as he could. He showed Remus what he could not say. Sirius was not ashamed of Remus. Was not ashamed to love Remus. He could only imagine what Remus would have to do to get close and stay close to Greyback. To be close enough to spy. He now understood why Remus had withdrawn. Remus had a heart of gold, was so kind in a world that was so cruel. Tried so hard not to be the monster he thought he was. And Dumbledore had put him in a situation where he would need to become what he hated. He had forced Remus into becoming a monster. Sirius forced his anger for Dumbledore down. It wasn’t what Remus needed. Remus needed his support his consuming unconditional love. Remus needed to be shown he wasn’t a monster.

“Oh, Remus, love.” Was all Sirius could say around the tears that had begun to fall.

“I have to go back.” Remus was nearly choking on his words, “they’re planning something big. I didn’t get enough information last time. I have to go back.”

“When” Sirius was panicking now. He couldn’t let Remus go back; it wasn’t safe. It was destroying him.

“Tonight” Remus’s voice was barely audible.

“No, you can’t; it’s too dangerous. I won’t let you.” Sirius finally had his Remus back he couldn’t let him go not now that he knew.

“I don’t have a choice. This is a war, Sirius. This is how I can help. If I stop, Dumbledore will put me back on useless research.”

“Dumbledore is using you, Rem.”

“You don’t think I know that.” Remus had raised his voice now. “You don’t think I understand exactly how he’s manipulating me. I owe that man everything. He risked his position just to let me go to Hogwarts. I should never have been allowed into Hogwarts. He knows I would do anything he asks and how desperate I am to help. To stop this war. To keep everyone, I love safe. To keep you safe.”

“If you get found out they will kill you, Remus. I can’t lose you.”

“Better me than you.” Remus’s voice was back to a whisper. “Better a monster die.”

“Moonshine, you are not a Monster.” Sirius pressed a gentle kiss to Remus’s chapped lips. “How long will you be gone.”

“Through the full moon to be sure maybe longer.” Remus was shaking as he buried his head in the pillow.

“Will you be back on the 20th to discuss the secret keeper. I think James and Lily need to know from you what Dumbledore is having you do. He can’t be their secret keeper. He would gladly give them up to further the greater good.”

“I’ll try to be back. I can’t promise, though.”

“Promise you will be back though. I don’t know if I could face this world alone.”

“I’ll be back. I promise.”

…………..

The sun was setting behind the London skyline illuminating the sky a deep burnt orange. Sirius and Remus were standing by the door a worn duffle bag at their feet as they clung to each other as if they were to let go the other would simply disappear.

“Be safe, please” Sirius’s voice was barely a whisper

“Don’t do anything stupid” Remus muttered as he kissed the crown of Sirius’s head

“I’m sure I will” Sirius chuckled as he fought back more tears.

Remus stepped back slightly, unwrapping his arms from Sirius’s waist. He looked at the ring glittering in the light before carefully removing it.

“What are you doing,” Sirius asked, shocked. Had Remus changed his mind?

“It isn’t safe for me to wear it. They don’t know about you. Keep it as a promise. I will be back and then you can put it back on. Keep it safe.” Remus’s voice was cracking

Sirius carefully removed a chain from around his neck and threaded the ring on. “I’ll wear it next to my heart right where you belong.” Sirius reached up kissing Remus. “You’ll be back by the 20th right.”

“I’ll do my best. I’ll be back the minute I can. I love you, Padfoot.”

“I love you, Moony.”

They kissed one last time before Remus picked up his bag and opened the door.

“Goodbye, my Moon.”

“Goodbye my Star”

With that, Remus shut the door and was gone. Sirius collapsed to the ground clutching the ring around his neck praying to Merlin that his Moonbeam would come back to him.


	3. October 13th 1981

The full moon was shining through the open window in Sirius and Remus’s bedroom. Sirius sat in the bright light as Padfoot howling at the infernal sphere. His Moony wasn’t back yet and was transforming alone. He stayed up all night praying to Merlin to let Moony be ok


	4. October 20th, 1981

Sirius was pacing back and forth across the small living room. He was due at the Potter Estate in Derbyshire in an hour and Remus still wasn’t back. Sirius couldn’t stop fidgeting with the ring around his neck. He needed Remus back. As he began his next pass by the small kitchen, he heard the lock click and the door slowly open. He whipped out his wand pointing it at the door. In the door way was Remus Lupin looking haggard and worse for wear with large purple bruises under his eyes and a new scar running down the side of his face and neck disappearing into the collar of his worn denim jacket.

“What was the first thing I said after I kissed you for the first time,” Sirius asked wand still raised. Gideon Prewitt had been killed a few days earlier by someone pretending to be Fabian.

“Fuck, that was amazing. When did I first say I love you.” Remus’s voice was haggard and weak.

“The last day of 4th year. We were sitting under our tree by the black lake. I had given you your favorite chocolate as a goodbye present. We both ended up in tears.” Sirius rushed forward catching Remus as he collapsed in his arms. “You’re home. I was so worried. I was afraid you weren’t coming back.” Sirius lead Remus to the worn out couch leaving the duffle bag on the floor. Remus collapsed into the sofa pulling Sirius with him. Sirius just clung to Remus breathing in his familiar scent of forest and cinnamon.

Remus burst into tears, muttering, “It was horrible Sirius, I couldn’t stop him. He attacked the whole family. I tried warning Dumbledore of their plans, but he didn’t do anything. Said we had to choose what to stop so they wouldn’t get suspicious. He let them all die Pads.” Remus was sobbing into Sirius’s tee-shirt soaking through the thin material.

“It’s ok luv, you’re back. You aren’t a monster. You tried to stop it. We’re back together just as it should be. I even have your ring.” Sirius pulled the chain off removing the ring. “I even placed a charm on it so when one of us rubs at our ring the other heats up”

Remus only nodded as Sirius slipped the silver band back on his finger. They sat in silence for what felt like hours just holding each other. The chiming of the clock on the wall startled them out of their embrace.

“We need to be to the Potters in 5 minutes,” Sirius stated brushing an errant curl from Remus’s forehead. “Do you feel up to going.”

Remus nodded slowly unfolding himself from the couch. “I would like to see Harry.”

“They’ve had to block the flew completely, and it’s a bit of a walk from the apparition point.” Sirius stroked Remus’s cheek before turning to slip on his worn combat boots.

“Have you told them?” Remus asked, waiting by the door.

“No, I haven’t seen them, and I thought we should do that together,” Sirius stated as he shrugged on his worn leather jacket.

“It’s been over a month Pads. Why haven’t you gone to see them.”

Sirius took a breath before answering. “Dumbledore thought, leaving them more isolated while they got everything moved to Godric’s Hollow was safer. And with the spy and all.” Sirius hesitated.

“You thought I was the spy.” Remus sounded resigned to that fact.

“You had grown so distant and were constantly disappearing. We didn’t know what to think. I think Dumbledore may have wanted it that way. May want us not to trust to each other. Now that I know what was really happening, I feel terrible. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”   

“It’s ok, Sirius, I understand.” Remus kissed Sirius softly, “We really should get going.”

…………..

Remus knocked on the imposing front door of Potter Manor. James threw the door open wand pointed at Remus and Sirius.

“Remus, what did I say after I preformed my first Animagus transformation.”

“Oh, Deer, that was fun. Still the worst pun I’ve ever heard. How did I react.”

“You groaned and threw a pillow at me. It hit Peter in the face.” James cracked a smile turning to Sirius. “What did you say when you stumbled into my house the summer before the fifth year.”

“That Bitch has finally went around the bend. I then collapsed and woke two days later.” Sirius smirked, “When was the first time you walked in on Remus and I in a compromising position.”

Remus just rolled his eyes as James answered, “Late October of 5th year. I swore and promptly turned into a Stag.”

“That wasn’t even compromising we were only snogging. Man, you’re a prude” Sirius couldn’t help but laugh. It had been hilarious.

“Come in, Lily and Peter are in the Kitchen.” James pulled Sirius into a tight hug. “It’s good to see you brother. You and Remus doing, ok.” James whispered into Sirius’s ear as Remus made his way into the kitchen at the back of the Manor.

“Better than ok. We talked everything out.” Sirius hugged James back, “Now where is my Godson. I believe I haven’t spoiled him lately.”

“Lily is feeding him in the Kitchen. He’ll be thrilled you’re here. He’s been asking for you all week.”

“I am his favorite” Sirius laughed as he sauntered into the kitchen. “Now where is prongslet.” Sirius scooped Harry out of his highchair much to Lily’s chagrin. “This can’t be my prongslet you’ve gotten too big.”

“Padfoo’ me ‘arry.” Harry giggled as Sirius threw him in the air.

“I believe you.” Sirius placed Harry back in his highchair, taking the jar of baby food from Lily. “If you eat your dinner, I have a surprise for you.”

Harry’s eyes got big before he opened his mouth wide. Lily gave Sirius a grateful smile before turning to talk to Remus. She stopped when she saw his finger. “Remus is that what I think it is.” Lily had taken Remus’s left hand, and she glanced to Sirius’s ring finger.

James had seen what his wife had already noticed. “You two better had not gone and gotten hitched without me. I do believe I called dibs on being best man.”

“Don’t forget about me.” Peter piped in.

“You’re Remus’s best man. I’m Sirius’s best man, Wormtail.” James was smiling. “Remember, Sirius was my best man; I’ll be Sirius’s. You’ll be Remus’s best man, and he’ll be yours.”

“We’re just engaged. We figured we could ask Minnie to marry us after the war.” Remus was smiling a blush spreading across his cheeks.

“That’s wonderful. Who asked who.” Lily was gushing now.

“Sirius asked me after I had a break-down.” Remus smiled again.

“It was really romantic and sappy of course. I’ve had the rings since June, I think.”

“Well, congratulations, I think I speak for all of us when I say finally.” Lily was laughing.

“I do believe you owe me ten galleons, Lily.” James smirked, “I said before Halloween you said after.”

“Yes, but you owe me 10 because I said Sirius would ask you were certain Remus would do the asking.” Lily stuck out her tongue as she pulled the lasagna out of the warming oven. “James can you grab the salad and the garlic bread. Remus be a dear and set the table.”

“Hey, I’m the only deer here.” James laughed, opening the fridge.

“Prongs, that joke died years ago.” Peter was laughing as he poured the wine.

“Oh, none for me, Peter,” Lily said with a smile.

“In fact Lily and I have news” James was standing behind Lily his arm around her waist.

“I’m pregnant.” Lily practically shouted.

“Lily, that’s great.” Sirius grinned as he flew another spoon of mashed carrots into Harry’s open mouth.

“Are you sure this is a good time to have another kid. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited, but you’re in hiding. You could be in hiding for years.” Remus asked, sitting down next to Sirius.

“We aren’t going to let you-know-who to dictate our lives. That way, he wins before the war is even through.” It was James who answered taking the seat next to Lily.

“Well, congratulations” Peter smiled as he took the last seat at the table.

“I’m not far along, and we’re going to include Poppy on the secret to help through everything.” Lily smiled.

“We actually wanted to ask you, Peter, to be the baby’s Godfather. Remus can’t and is Harry’s surrogate Godfather anyway.”

“I would be honored.” Peter smiled.

………..

After dinner was cleaned up, they moved to the sitting room. The only room that was still furnished. Sirius was bouncing Harry on his knee.

“Present,” Harry shouted, squishing Sirius’s cheeks with his chubby hands.

“Ok pup, give me a second.” Sirius handed Harry over to Remus while digging through his pocket.

Sirius produced a small striped bag, causing Harry to scowl. With a flourish of his wand, the bag expanded until it was nearly the same size as Harry. Harry launched himself from Remus’s lap, falling to the floor with the large bag. He promptly began throwing the tissue around the room. The first toy to emerge was a large stuffed black grim dog.

“Padfoo’,” Harry screeched as he held the dog to his chest. He quickly tossed the new toy aside as he reached back into the bag. Next, he pulled a small stuffed rat. “Pete” Harry giggled diving in for another. Next came a small Doe. Harry looked at it oddly before declaring “Mama.” Lily and James were both grinning ear to ear. Harry pulled out the large stag galloping it around him on the floor, “Dada.” Last he pulled out a large wolf that appeared to be howling at the moon. The wolf was a sandy brown hair shot through with vivid whites. “OwwOhh” Harry howled with the wolf. Harry proceeded to gather all his new toys together making the wolf and dog kiss.

“Well, since Harry is distracted maybe we should discuss the secret keeper,” Lilly said, watching Harry with a small frown.

“Dumbledore has offered to be our secret keeper,” James added taking Lilly’s hand. “We’re not sold on the idea. We know that this is a life or death decision, and we aren’t sure we can trust him. He won’t tell us why he is sure He-who-must-not-be-named is coming for us and the Longbottoms. He is keeping secrets that could kill us all.” James looked to Sirius.

“I agree. Dumbledore is not to be trusted. He is willing to use people and kill all for the greater good.” Sirius tried to keep himself in check. He glanced at Remus, who was squeezing his hand. “If he thought turning over your location could end the war he would. He wouldn’t hesitate.”

Remus pulled Sirius close, “He’s been using me.” Remus’s voice was quiet. “He has had me spying on Greyback. I’m not supposed to tell anyone. I can’t keep it secret anymore.”

Sirius buried his face in the crook of Remus’s. Lilly was shocked. Peter was staring at the floor. James muttered, “No.”

Peter spoke first, “You’re not the spy.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“No” Remus just held Sirius closely remembering how this secret almost destroyed them.

“You can’t choose Dumbledore,” Sirius mumbled into Remus’s neck.

James spoke next as Harry continued playing on the floor, “What about McGonagall.”

“We can’t ask that of her James. Who ever we pick will be in extreme danger. We can’t ask her to put Hogwarts in danger just for us.” Lilly gave James the you should know better look.

“What about Moody” It was Peter who suggested.

“As much as I love the man, he isn’t exactly stable.” Sirius had put his head back up, his brain turning.

“We could have asked Marlene what about Mary,” Lily asked

James answered, “I trust her, but do we trust her with Harry’s life. We don’t know who the spy is we need to be careful.”  

Sirius sat up quickly, having come to a conclusion. “I’ll do it.”

“What” Remus was shocked.

“I’ll be the secret keeper.” Sirius was staring James in the eye. “It has to be me. You said you needed someone you could trust with Harry’s life. I would rather die and would die than betray you. I can go on the run. I already have a mark on my head. I wouldn’t be in any more danger than I am. I have my last name to thank for that.”

“We can’t ask you to do that, Sirius.” Lilly had tears in her eyes.

“You aren’t asking; I am offering.” Sirius had steel in his voice.

“What about Moony Sirius. You have finally started putting your lives back together. You just got engaged for Merlin’s sake.” Lilly was just as steely.

“I may not love this idea, but I can see it is the only option,” Remus added. “I can’t put us over Harry’s safety. He deserves to be as safe as we can make him.”

“Please, let me do this.” Sirius was begging now.

James looked at Lilly, having a conversation without any words. “Ok,” they answered together.

The rest of the evening passed in relative silence with Harry running around showing everyone every toy in the room.

………..

Remus and Sirius stumbled into their flat well past midnight. Sirius pulled Remus close getting up on his toes to kiss him.

“I love you, moons.” Murmured Sirius against Remus’s lips, “I love you so damn much. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I know Pads.” Remus punctuated between kisses. “I know, and I love you. I can’t even comprehend how much I love you.”

“We’ve waisted so much time.” Sirius kisses his cheek. “I was an idiot, and we waisted so much time.”

“We both made mistakes. I should have told you sooner, and you should have trusted me. But we’re past that. We’re together now; that’s what matters.”

“I’m going to have to leave, go on the run. You know that right.”

“I know. I know Pads. Where will you go? The continent.”

“I was thinking the Americans. It’s so big it will be easy to hide. Stay a few steps ahead.”

“That’s a good plan.” Remus just pulled Sirius close.

“Come with me. Canada has much nicer laws for Werwolves. We could even get married. I’m sure James would forgive us.”

“I can’t, Sirius.” Remus’s voice was thick.

“Why not. This is our chance. Our chance to leave. To live the life we’ve been dreaming of. You could get a job you’ve always wanted. I’m sure Illvamory is hiring. You would be a fantastic professor. Or that small school in northern Canada. Please come with me.”

“Sirius it wouldn’t be safe. And I can’t stop fighting this war. You would still be fighting, doing your part I wouldn’t. And I still have to go through the transformation each month. They could catch up with us on a full moon, and there would be nothing we could do. I need you to be safe and come home. If I came, I would only put you in danger.”

“I know” Sirius was fighting back tears now. “I know. I just… I don’t want to leave you. I just barely got you back.”

“Then we make every moment count. We enjoy the little bit of time we have left together. Then we try our hardest to end this war fast. Not just for us, but for Harry and James and Lily as well. Then you can come home, and we can live everything we have planned. Remember we’re getting married on the shores of the Black Lake and going to live in a small cottage in the country. We can do all of that; you just need to stay safe and come home.”

“I love you Remus Lupin” Sirius’s voice was quiet almost reverent

“I love you, Sirius Black.” Remus gently kissed Sirius pulling him toward the bedroom.


	5. October 25th, 1981

Sirius was sitting at the counter reading the morning edition of the Daily Prophet when he heard a knock on the door. He got up, wand at the ready. He slowly opened the door, wand still raised.

“Peter, what an unexpected surprise. What made us settle on the nickname wormtail.” Sirius grinned.

“We couldn’t decide. It had been almost a year. I changed to escape Filtch, he saw my tail and screamed that a worm had gotten in the castle. The name stuck. What was the first prank you pulled on Severus.”

“At the end of first year, we charmed his textbooks to close every time he tried to open them for a day.” Sirius stepped aside letting Peter enter. “Sorry, Remus isn’t here he has an interview at Flourish and Blots today.”

“That’s fine. I came to talk with you.” Peter took a seat on the faded sofa.

“Oh,” Sirius smiled, “You’re usually are looking for Remus.”

“I’ve been thinking about the whole secret keeper affair.” Peter was staring at his shoes. As the war had drug on, Peter had had a harder time looking people in the eye. The war had changed them all.

“What about it.” Sirius was puzzled. He thought the matter was closed.

“Do you know exactly how it works,” Peter asked, finally looking up.

“I understand the basics. I have to chose to tell them. They can’t imperious me or use any other compulsion spell to force me to tell. While they could torture me, I’ve been tortured before and know I could handle it. I would rather die. I also have to physically tell them or take them. They can’t overhear me telling someone else. Why are you asking.”

“I know we would all die for them, but would it work if they tortured someone else, someone you care about.”

“What do you mean.” Sirius was now seriously confused.

“Well, you would be willing to die and can handle torture, but what if they took Remus. Could you watch Remus be tortured, killed, and not say anything.” Peter’s voice was unwavering. “Just something I’ve been thinking about. Does that fall under compulsion, or could you tell the secret then.”

Sirius was stunned, he hadn’t thought about that. Could he watch Remus being tortured, killed? He knew Remus would die for his friends, but could he let Remus die if he had the power to stop it.


	6. October 27th, 1981

The sun had set over the city a few hours ago. A strong wind was blowing in a storm. Sirius was pacing the length of the apartment while Remus tried to calm him.

“What’s wrong Pads,” Remus tried again, “You know you can tell me anything, but we are due in Godric’s Hollow like now.”

“I don’t think I can do this.” Sirius had stopped pacing, turning to face Remus.

“Do what” Remus closed the distance between them grabbing Sirius’s arms.

“Be the secret keeper.”

“Why not Pads.” Remus was shocked

“Peter was here the other day. He pointed out that I have too much to lose. I couldn’t lose you, Remus.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Sirius. You know that right.”

“Not like that. I might be willing to die for them, but could I stand by and let you die for them.”

“You know I would die for them as well.”

“I know that, but I don’t know if I could make that decision for you. I don’t know if I could sit there and let you die without doing everything I could to save you.” Sirius was near tears now. “I love you too much to lose you.”

“I love you, Sirius. I know this isn’t easy. Let’s go to James. We can discuss it with him, ok. Maybe he can help.”

Sirius just nodded.

…………..

They arrived at the front door of the small cottage a few minutes later. Lily had it decorated for Halloween with pumpkins lining the walk. They knocked on the door, hearing James running to the door.

The door swung open, revealing a very disheveled James. “Moony, Pads, you’re late. How did you get the name, Moony.”

“Sirius thought it was hilarious that my name was wolf wolf, I then gave him the name Padfoot because his name was black dog. You guys didn’t even know I was a werewolf yet. When did Lily finally say yes.”

“Contrary to popular belief on the fifth proposal of marriage.” James laughed. “What day did you become my brother pads.”

“July 18th, 1976.” Sirius smiled. “How did you introduce yourself that first day on the train.”

“Potter, James Potter, shaken not stirred.” James laughed, “I can see why it took you long to warm up to me. Come in; Peter got here a few minutes ago.”

They followed James through the small house. Boxes sat broken down against the walls — stacks of books stacked precariously in front of bookcases. The house had a homey kind of chaos. Lily was sitting at the small table, slowly rocking baby Harry. Peter was pacing around the small kitchen.

“Here, let me help with Harry,” Sirius said, reaching for Harry.

“Careful, I just got him down. The move has worn him out.” Lily smiled carefully, handing Harry over.

“Hello pup,” Sirius whispered, kissing Harry’s hair. Remus’s heart melted at the sight. He wanted desperately to have a family with Sirius.

“Are we ready to start,” Peter asked, he looked as if he was ready to jump out of his skin.

“Yeah,” Lily said, pulling her wand from her pocket. “Remember whoever is in this room will be in on the secret and will be able to come and go, but the only person who will be able to tell the secret will be Sirius.”

Remus reached for Harry as James joined Lily at Sirius’s side. The spell required a caster a witness and the secret keeper. Peter came to stand next to Remus eyes at the floor.

“Take my right hand in yours, Sirius,” Lily asked, switching her wand to her left hand as she took Sirius’s trembling hand. “Now, James, you place your right hand over ours.”

Lily began tracing her wand in complicated patterns muttering in a mixture of Latin and Greek under her breath. Light began to wind around the entwined hands mimicking the complex patterns of the spell.

“Stop,” Sirius shouted. Lily’s wand dropped, and the light disappeared suddenly. Sirius pulled his hand from the grasp and bolted across the room and began to pace.

James approached him slowly. “What’s wrong Pads” James reached out gently placing his hand on Sirius’s shoulder.

“I can’t do this, I can’t” Sirius had started to cry sinking to the floor.

James followed him down and pulled Sirius in close. Remus stood by helpless. “Why not. Pads what’s wrong.”

Sirius kept muttering “I can’t, I can’t” as Peter took Harry from Remus and Remus approached his fiancé.

“You can tell him, Sirius.” Remus urged tracing calming circles on Sirius’s back, “He’ll understand Sirius.”

“I can’t do it, James. I would die for you, and you know that but… I have someone to lose.” Sirius managed to get out around the lump in his throat. “I would die for you and Harry and Lily in a heartbeat but I don’t know if I could let Moony die for you. If I had the choice to stop it. To not lose him.”

“It’s ok, Pads. I understand,” James pulled Sirius into a hug, “I would die for you as well, but I couldn’t let Lily or Harry die for you.”

“But what will you do.” Sirius cried, “you need to be safe.”

Peter spoke up from the back of the room, “I’ll do it.”

James stood, approaching Peter, “Peter, I can’t ask you to do that. This is a big decision that could cost your life.”

“It has to be me, Jamie,” Peter continued as he rocked Harry. “I don’t have anyone to lose. With Susan and Mom gone, its just me.”

“Peter” James placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“No, it has to me be. Remus can’t do it. He had Sirius, and we aren’t sure if the spell would hold with his furry little problem. I can do it.”

Sirius stood Remus arm securely around his waist. “This could work James. I was planning on going on the run to America. I can still do that. I’m the most obvious choice. Let everyone think it is me. He’ll send people after me and Peter can be safe. He can go into one of those safe houses Dumbledore has. It’ll work. It has to.”

Lily spoke for the first time, “Are you both absolutely positive.”

Sirius and Peter both nodded.

Lily gave a small half smile, “Let’s try again shall we.”

Remus took Harry from Peter keeping his other arm wrapped securely around Sirius. Sirius pulled Remus close burying his face in the crock of Remus’s neck.

Peter James and Lily clasped hands and Lily began the spell again. Light filled the room to Lily’s muttering. As soon as it began, it was over. The spell was done. The secret created.

Peter left first to contact Dumbledore and ask to be placed in a safe house. They had come up with an excuse on why he would need it that wouldn’t let Dumbledore know he was the secret keeper.

Sirius pulled Harry in close the boy slumbering in his arms. He kissed his forehead gently then began to whisper, “I love you pup. It might be a while till I see you again. Just know I am going to do everything I can to keep you safe. You be a good little boy.” Sirius’s eyes were filled with unshed tears as Lily took Harry to put him to bed. Remus offered to help.

James pulled Sirius in close, and he began to cry. “You stay safe out there Pads. I want you back here when this is all over. Don’t you dare leave Remus alone and Harry without a Godfather. I love you so much Pads. I never thought the shy somewhat stuck up kid I first met on the train when I was eleven would become my brother. But I wouldn’t change a minute of it. Just promise me, we’ll see each other again.”

“I promise Prongs. Plus I can’t miss meeting Prongslet number 2 can I. Your gonna’ name this one after me right.” Sirius tried to smile but he couldn’t. “I’ll come back, and then you can be my best man. You just keep that family of yours safe for me, please.”

“You’re my family too Pads.”

“I love you, Jamie. You saved my life all those years ago. I don’t know where I’d be if we weren’t friends. But I know it wouldn’t be anywhere good.”

James and Sirius just held each other tight until Lily and Remus came back. Sirius let go of James and pulled Lily in close. “Don’t let him do anything stupid without me.”

“How can he, you’re taking all the stupid with you.” Lily laughed. “Come back home, please.”

“I will, Lily. Love you.” Sirius said.


	7. October 31st, 1981

Sirius stood by the door backpack slung over his shoulders, dressed in his favorite leather jacket and combat boots. Remus stood, holding his hands. “I love you, Remus Lupin. Please don’t ever forget that just incase.”

“Don’t talk like that, Sirius.” Remus pulled Sirius into him. “We’re going to see each other again. I know it.”

“But just in case. I love you Remus. You are my everything, but if I don’t make it, promise me you’ll move on. Promise me you’ll learn to be happy again. I just need to know you’ll be happy.”

“I can’t promise that Sirius. You’re the first person who looked at me and saw me. You make me happy Pads I don’t know if I can be happy without you.”

“Just promise me, you’ll try,” Sirius whispered, pulling Remus into a tender kiss.

“I promise” Remus whispered into Sirius’s lips pulling him into another kiss, this one more passionate.

Sirius broke away slowly before stepping away. “I need to get going now. I think I’ve raised enough suspicion in the last few days they should be able to tell I’m running and follow me. I’ll just check on Pete before I go.”

“Just come home, please.” Remus wiped a tear from Sirius’s cheek.

“I will. And you have the mirror James lent you. We can talk every day. Just stay safe, and know every moon. I’ll be thinking of you.” Sirius showed the tattoo on his left wrist that tracked the moon, the compass overlaying the moon pointing to Remus.

Remus kissed Sirius’s wrist. “Let me walk you to the bike.”

They left their small dingy flat in the bad part of London for the alley behind where Sirius had his trusty motorbike hidden. They hugged tightly, not wanting to let the other go. They were out of words. Sirius kissed Remus one more time before putting on his helmet and kicking off the ground. The motorbike gave a shutter than took off toward the sky. Remus watched as it disappeared into the cloudless night.

 

…………..

Remus was curled into Sirius’s side to the bed wrapped in Sirius’s favorite blanket. Sirius had been gone for about an hour and should be done with Peter and getting ready to fly across the ocean first to Iceland then on to Canada. Remus had finally finished crying when a bright white light burst into the room. He barely had time to focus on the large wolf Patronus before it spoke.

“Remus” Sirius’s voice practically shouted, the wolf snarling. “Peter isn’t here. It looks like he hasn’t been here at all. Something is wrong. Go to Godric's Hollow as fast as you can. I’ll meet you there. I hope we aren’t too late. I think Peter is the spy.”

Remus jumped from the bed, grabbing his wand and flying through the small apartment. It all made sense now. It was Peter who tried to separate Sirius and Remus. Who made them doubt each other. It had been Peter that had suggested to Sirius he couldn’t be the secret keeper. Peter had always been the best liar out of the four of them. He probably hadn’t even told Dumbledore they switched so Sirius would take the fall. Remus shoved on his shoes threw on the first jacket he found and flew down the stairs past the anti-apparition wards disappearing from the stairwell with a loud crack.

Remus appeared in front of the Potter’s front gate and immediately knew he was too late. The dark mark hung in the sky, causing the surroundings to give off an eerie green glow. The top corner of the house above Harry’s nursery was completely gone, smoke still trailing into the sky. The front door of the small cottage blown off its hinges. Remus could hear crying coming from the house. He prayed to Merlin; they were all ok.

Remus ran up the front door stumbling as he crossed the threshold. The front room is disarray. He rounded the corner to the stairs and stopped in his tracks. James was sprawled on the bottom few steps hazel eyes open and lifeless, his wand nowhere to be found, his knuckles bloody. Remus quickly dropped next to one of his only friends holding back his tears. He carefully closed James’s eyes and placed his hands on his chest. James was still warm. It almost looked like he was sleeping, his hair wild, that he would wake up any minute and begin joking but Remus knew better.

The sound of more crying broke Remus away, and he stumbled up the stairs the corner where he knew Harry’s room was. The door was ajar hanging on by only a hinge. Remus stumbled in breathing a sigh of relief when he saw Harry alive in his crib. His big green eyes glossy with tears, his thumb in his mouth. Remus glanced around the room and stopped.

In front of Harry’s crib laid the body of Lord Voldemort. He no longer looked much like a man. His skin pale and papery, his eyes blood red. His nose had been dripping blood. James must have gotten in at least one good hit. He was always good with his fists. Next, a mop of red hair and another wail caught Remus’s attention.

Behind the door was Lily’s lifeless body. Her vibrant red hair hanging limply. She was being cradled by none other that Severus Snape. Remus growled low in his throat, feeling the wolf under his skin. It caught Severus’s attention. He dropped Lily out of surprise and bolted up. Remus saw red and swung. His fist connecting Severus’s jaw before he could even draw his wand.

“How dare you.” Remus snarled, fighting back his grief. “You dare come here after you betrayed her, you worthless sack of shit. You pretend to love her, yet go against everything she is.”

“Remus please” Severus begged holding his jaw, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

“No, you don’t get to beg. Get out.” Remus tried not to yell, Harry crying in the background. “Sirius will be here soon. If you still value your life you will be gone before he arrives. He will not be as generous as me.”

Remus raised his wand and Severus fled down the stairs. Remus could feel the tears threatening to fall as he bent down to Lily. He carefully closed her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear kissing her forehead. While Remus would always love James, Lily was the closest thing he would ever have to a sister. Tears began streaming down his face. “Goodbye Lily flower.”

Remus steeled himself as he stood and turned to Harry still crying in his crib, clutching tight to his stuffed Stag Sirius had gifted him. Remus stepped over The Dark Lords body and carefully picked up Harry from his crib. Harry had blood trickling down his forehead. Remus grabbed the blanket from Harry’s crib and carefully cleaned the wound.

Spreading across the right side of Harry forehead from his hairline through is eyebrow was a large spidering cut. Like a lightening bolt across a stormy sky. Remus carefully raised his wand to the cut muttering “episkey.” Nothing happened, it was a curse mark. Remus looked around the room again trying to decide what had happened.

“It’s ok Harry,” Remus whispered into Harry’s hair as the toddler cried, “It’s going to be ok pup. Sirius and I will take care of you. It’s going to be ok; you’re safe now.” Remus wasn’t sure if the words were more for Harry or himself.

Remus continued rocking Harry trying to get him back to sleep as he searched for the go bag he knew Lily kept packed. He found the small backpack tucked in the small bookcase. Harry had finally fell asleep. Remus carefully levitated the bag with the undetectable extension charm. He carefully began to pack up Harry’s room. Clothes carefully levitated into the small bag followed by toys and books. Remus carefully grabbed the small rat with a look of disgust throwing it out the hole in the roof. Soon Harry’s room was packed. They could do the rest of the house later.

Remus heard the tale-tale sounds of Sirius’s motorbike only a few moments later. He contemplated going down to Sirius but couldn’t make himself move as a new wave of emotion crashed over him. He heard Sirius heavy footfalls as he entered the house followed by a heart-shattering scream.  

“Jamie” Sirius screamed waking Harry. Remus desperately tried to calm him back down as he listened to Sirius’s sobs. “Jamie no. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I never should have traded. We trusted him but I never should have traded. Oh James. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

Remus was finally able to move and walked quietly to the door of the nursery. Sirius was at the bottom of the stairs holding James tightly too him, tears streaming into James hair. Sirius finally looked up at Remus his breath catching. “Harry” Sirius practically shouted as he carefully laid James back on the stairs and sprinted up 2 at a time. “Harry” Sirius cried as he met Remus just outside the nursery.

Harry looked up from Remus’s chest reaching for Sirius, “Padfoo’” Harry wailed.

Sirius took Harry holding him close, “It’s ok pup. I’m here; I’ll take care of you.” Harry just curled into Sirius’s chest his sobs finally subsiding. “Is Lily”

Remus could only shake his head as Sirius tried to push past him into the nursery. “Don’t go in there Pad’s, trust me; you don’t want to see it.”

“Is he in there too” Sirius asked

“Yeah, he’s dead”

“Good, good” Sirius looked far away as he clutched Harry close. Remus pulled Sirius into him holding them both close. After what felt like hours but was only minutes Sirius spoke again, “I’m going to kill him. I’m going to kill that traitorous bastard.”

“You can’t Pads” Remus whispered pressing a kiss to Sirius’s head. “Harry needs you. If you go after him you’ll end up in Azkaban. He played all his cards right. I’m the only person who knows you’re not the secret keeper. No one is going to trust the words of a werewolf.”

“She was pregnant Moony. They were going to make him the godfather. How could he do this? He was our friend. We trusted him.”

“He always was the best liar out of us.” Remus added, “We’ll tell Shacklebolt what happened and he can find Peter. We’ll tell him about him being an animagus and everything. Peter will never leave Azkaban, but Harry needs us right now. Both of us. If you leave, they won’t let me keep him.”

“It hurts Moony. It hurts so much.” Sirius cried.

Remus could only hold him tighter, words escaping him, as he was consumed by grief.

They eventually made their way down the stairs. Sirius shielded Harry from seeing James even though Harry was out cold. They slowly approached the bike, parked haphazardly in front of the house. “How are we getting home. We’re in no state to apparate, and we can’t all ride the bike.” Remus asked.

Sirius looked around and spotted the garden gnome he had gotten James and Lily as a joke. He waved his wand and the small figure transformed into a matching side car and attached itself firmly to the bike. “They always hated that thing anyway,” Sirius said, “You can hold Harry in the sidecar with the bag, and I can fly us home.”

…………..

They landed outside their London flat an hour later. Remus carefully stood as not to wake Harry and Sirius grabbed Harry’s small backpack from the side car along with his that was strapped to the back to the motorcycle. They quietly took the stairs back up to their apartment the door unlocked from when Remus ran out. Sirius entered wand raised, but no one was inside.

They worked together, silently putting up the pack and play they kept for when Harry came to play and carefully lowering Harry down. He made a sniffling noise but didn’t wake, just held his Stag closer. Sirius pulled Harry’s favorite blanket and the Doe from the bag handing both to Harry.

They collapsed on the couch together, holding each other close. “What do we do now,” asked Sirius his face buried in Remus’s throat he felt he had no more tears to cry but knew more would come.

“We try and get some sleep. Then tomorrow we wake up and but on a brave face for Harry and try and figure all this out.”

“We need to plan a funeral.”

“We can worry about that in the morning. We need to sleep.”

Sirius could only nod as Remus laid down on the couch and pulled Sirius on top of him. They laid like that for hours until sleep finally took them a few hours later.


	8. November 1st, 1981

Sirius wakes to the sound of tapping on the front door. He carefully pulls himself from Remus’s arms on the couch, kissing his forehead and stretching. Harry is still out cold in his pack and play. Sirius grabs his wand and cautiously opens the front door. Voldemort may be dead but there are still plenty of Death Eaters roaming around, and Sirius isn’t playing around.

Dumbledore is standing on the landing in outlandish purple robes even for a wizard.

“What did you say to me after giving me my first detention,” Sirius asked wand at Dumbledore’s throat.

“We’re going to see great things from you, Mr. Black.” Dumbledore smiled with that annoying twinkle in his eye. “Are you going to invite me in Sirius. I believe we have a lot to discuss. If I’m not mistaken, Harry is here.”

Sirius just stood glaring at Dumbledore until he felt Remus’s hand on his back. “Remus my boy” Dumbledore sing-songed as if James and Lily weren’t dead and Harry wasn’t an orphan.

“Come in Professor,” Remus said gently nudging Sirius out of the way. “We need to clear the air about a few things.”

Dumbledore came through, making his way to the pack and play. “I see young master Harry is still asleep.”

“We’ve all had a trying night. He deserves his rest.” Sirius said, trying to keep the bite out of his voice.”

“What is that on his forehead,” Dumbledore asked.

“Curse scar” answered Remus as he began heating water for tea, “If I had to guess whatever curse Voldemort used failed and rebounded back to him.”

“I stopped by the house earlier. I believe you are right. My guess is the killing curse.”

“No,” Sirius whispered hurrying over to Harry. He had been so distraught last night he hadn’t noticed. He carefully picked up Harry looking him over. The cut was angry and red and would leave a nasty scar. Other than that Harry appeared perfectly healthy but needed a diaper change. Sirius didn’t want to wake Harry, so he decided to let it be for now as he cradled Harry close to his chest. “What do you want to discuss Dumbledore.”

“First, I would like to know why Harry is being cared for by a fugitive and spy responsible for the deaths of Lily and James Potter.”

Sirius snarled, “I didn’t do it. I wasn’t the secret keeper.”

“Peter was the secret keeper,” Remus answered, placing a calming hand on Sirius’s shoulder. “We switched last minute. Thought it would be safer to use Sirius as a decoy. Clearly, we thought wrong,” Remus was fighting back a new wave of tears.

“Well, that clears that up. I figured as much, but Peter claimed it was you when I saw him only a few days ago, and I knew the plan was to use you, Sirius.” Dumbledore had that annoying twinkle in his eye again. If Sirius had to guess Dumbledore knew Peter was the spy all along. “Now on to the matter of Harry’s care.”

“I’m his godfather. Therefore, I get to care for him. End of discussion. Anything else, or should we send you on your way.”

“It isn’t that simple, my boy.” Dumbledore stated as if it was, in fact, a simple fact, “When Lily died, she sacrificed her life for Harry’s. I have reason to believe Voldemort gave Lily a choice to stand aside. When she didn’t, she created powerful blood magic to protect Harry. That is why the curse rebounded incapacitating Lord Voldemort. Harry will be the safest living with blood relatives. That way, the magic is still intact, leaving Harry protected.”

“Wait, did you say incapacitated” Remus inquired. “I saw his body; he was about as dead as you can get.”

“I have reason to believe that a shade of Voldemort escaped the house. That is most likely what destroyed the roof. A witness confirms my theory. And even if Voldemort was truly dead, there are still most of the Death Eaters still unaccounted for. It could take months even years for them to be rounded up. The simple truth is Harry isn’t safe, and the safest place for him is with his aunt, Petunia.”

“Absolutely not,” Sirius spoke, “you can’t send Harry to her. She’s horrible and hated Lily, and her husband isn’t any better.”

“It is the safest place for Harry. They have a son only a few weeks older than Harry. He can have a sibling. They may not be the nicest, but they will care for him.”

“Have you actually spoken with them, or are you assuming. Did you offer money? Because that is the only way that Bitch and her husband would say yes.”

“No, I haven’t spoken with them.”

“What were you just going to leave him on the doorstep in a basket with a note.” Sirius looked at Dumbledore and saw his face. Sirius laughed, “You were. You honestly think that is the best thing for Harry, you’re impossible. I’m going to let you and Remus work this out while I change Harry and get him a bath. Find me when you get your head out of your arse. It may take a while because it’s in there pretty far.” Sirius stormed off with Harry who had just begun waking up, picking up the backpack on his way to the bathroom.

“Dumbledore, I respect you, and I can see where you are coming from, but this is a monumentally stupid idea.” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “I only met Petunia once, the summer before our 7th year. I was invited to send a few days with Lily that summer. Petunia was recently engaged to Vernon. They are horrible people Dumbledore. The things they would say about James to Lily after she brought him for Christmas. They are extremely racist. I know you don’t know much about muggles, but racism is comparable to blood status for a wizard. And not only is Harry mixed race, but he’s also a wizard. The one thing Petunia and Vernon hate most in this world is magic and anything they see as not normal. Harry isn’t normal in their eyes, and he never will be. I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t, even no he exists.”

“I can see where you are coming from, but it is the safest option,” Dumbledore said.

“No, it isn’t. Vernon is a violent man Harry wouldn’t be safe. And what is a childhood without love? I was lucky enough to have parents that love me Sirius was not. I see every day what that did to him. It nearly destroyed him. Harry deserves a childhood filled with love. His parents can no longer give him that but Sirius and I can. You aren’t taking him, and the ministry will agree. Sirius is not only his godfather, but we are both listed as potential guardians in the will along with the Longbottom’s and the Tonks’s. It also states in the will that under no circumstances is Harry to go to Petunia. So Harry stays here.”

“It isn’t safe, Remus.”

“Then we make it safe.” Remus said, “We go under Fidelius with someone we trust. We put every ward and protection we can around this place. Hell, we’ll live like muggles until the Death Eaters and Peter are all rounded up. But we will be keeping Harry.”

“If you are serious about this” Remus only nodded, “Then I suggest you move to the penthouse Alphard left for Sirius as soon as possible. Tomorrow if you can. Most of the wards needed are already in place. It will only need the Fidelius and to be made unplottable. I will come by after you are moved and perform the Fidelius myself.”

“We will move tomorrow. I will get myself a Muggle job. But you will not be our secret keeper. We will ask Minerva. I will write to her as soon as you leave. I used to respect you Dumbledore, but you played with peoples lives and look where that got us. You may go.”

Remus stood the kettle whistling in the background. Dumbledore swept out of the apartment in a flurry of purple robes.

Remus moved to the kettle pouring to mugs of water and reaching for the tea bags. He hated tea bags but wasn’t in the mood to make the tea the right way. Sirius emerged from the bathroom a clean and changed Harry on his hip.

“Did you hear all of that,” Remus asked

Sirius only nodded.

“I know you don’t want to live in the penthouse, but it is our best option right now. Plus, we can’t stay here. Children aren’t allowed.”

“No, I understand. I’ll go talk to the Land Lady after breakfast. I know she always has a waiting list us leaving shouldn’t be a problem. We should probably pack everything tonight. Move first thing in the morning tomorrow. I can rent a truck.”

“Yeah, I’ll write Minerva and ask for her help, and if she’ll be our secret keeper.”

…………..

They spent the day packing up everything they owned, which wasn’t much. They had to do it the muggle way of living in a muggle apartment. The Land Lady had been understanding and said she had a few couples waiting for an apartment in the building. Sirius went into Diagon Alley to withdraw some gold and have it changed to muggle money so they could survive until Remus found a Job. Alphard had left with a large sum of money, but he wanted to add most of it to Harry’s inheritance. He and Remus had been living off their meager earnings from when Remus could find a job and Sirius’s auror training. He would have to quit now he had to take care of Harry. They were going to have to pretend to be a muggle, not that it would be that hard. But they would need to remove themselves from wizard society completely until Peter and the other Death Eaters were caught.

Remus had written to Minerva, and she had agreed saying she would meet them at noon the following day for the charm. She had also volunteered to watch Harry for the full moons. They hadn’t even thought about that.

They had everything packed by the time dinner rolled around. Harry hadn’t asked for his parents by some miracle and was getting tired. They put him to bed back in the pack and play and fell asleep in a sleeping bag next to Harry.


	9. November 2nd, 1981

Sirius woke early to rent a truck while Remus got Harry up and ready for the day. Neither spoke much afraid that if they did, they would only start to cry again, and they needed to be strong for Harry. They could break down tonight after they were done moving and Harry was in bed. The longer they could keep Harry content and from asking about his parents, the better.

Everything was in the truck by 10 and their keys handed over. They would miss their small apartment. They drove across London to Clapham where Alphard’s penthouse was located. Sirius had flown his bike there the previous night so they could travel through the city together. The drive was silent minus Harry’s babbling from Remus’s lap. He had a few of his stuffed animals in his hands and seemed content to be playing with them.

They pulled up to the opulent but muggle building. Alphard had spent a small fortune turning the muggle penthouse into a home fit for a pureblood wizard. After Sirius had inherited it at the end of his 7th year, he hadn’t wanted to live there. Even though Sirius had liked his uncle Alphard who called him one of the “Black” sheep of the family, the apartment reminded him too much of the life he wanted to leave behind. Alphard had left his summer mansion in the countryside along with half of his considerable wealth to his cousin and other “Black” sheep Andromeda. She had taken the house gratefully. Remus took Harry, and his backpack and Sirius grabbed a box and the keys. They took the elevator to the 2nd to the top floor and unlocked the door into their new home.

After leaving school, Sirius had given the Order permission to use the flat as a safehouse. They had cleaned the place, removed the few dark artifacts and books any good Black has and redid the whole place. Sirius was glad there wasn’t much they would need to do to make it livable. Sirius continued moving in boxes with featherlight charms as Remus set up the pack and play, (They would need a crib and other kid furniture Sirius reminded himself) and got Harry down for his nap. With Harry down, they were able to move in the rest of their stuff rather quickly. They were setting up their bed when they heard a knock on the door.

Remus went down to greet Minerva while Sirius collected Harry who woke up to the sound of the knocking.

“Hello, Minerva,” Remus attempted to smile. Minerva gave him a sad look pulling him into a tight hug.

“I would have thought you boys had been through enough, but apparently the world has other ideas.”

“Hello, Minnie,” Sirius said Harry on his hip. “Why don’t I give you a tour since you’ll be here every moon, then we can get to business.”

“I’ll take Harry and make some tea. I think we have that, unpacked.” Remus said, taking Harry, who immediately octopuses onto his side. Remus left Sirius and Minerva alone. As much as she liked to pretend otherwise, Sirius was her favorite and her best student. Remus had always been partial to charms and defense.

“Sirius, how are you holding up,” Minerva asked, pulling Sirius into a bone-crushing hug.

Sirius couldn’t answer, he started crying sobbing into Minnie’s shoulder

“It’s going to be ok, my boy. It may not seem like it now. But it will be one day. You’re doing the bravest thing anyone could do right now. You and Remus are going to make it though. Now, why don’t you show me the house and explain the rings on the fingers? I expected to at least give you away.”

Sirius dried his eyes, a small smile on his face, “We’re only engaged, a month ago today. We can’t legally get married.” Sirius pointed to a room on the right. “This is the sitting room, and back, there is the kitchen and dining room.”

Sirius led Minerva up the open staircase to the second floor. “Over here we have the guest suite which will be yours for the moons; it has its own bathroom. Back here is the library and study. Then we were thinking this room could be Harry’s playroom. This one will be Harry’s room and then our Master bedroom.” Sirius led her back downstairs. “Back here is the great room and a potions lab. My uncle was a gifted potions master. Remus should be ready for us in the kitchen.”

They joined Remus in the Kitchen. He had Harry in one arm, brewing tea and plating biscuits with the other. Sirius skillfully took Harry from Remus as Remus brought the biscuits and tea to the table. “Sorry, we don’t have much. We just got here ourselves. Luckily the pantry was stocked already.” Remus apologized.

“There is nothing to apologize for Remus,” Minerva said, taking his hand. “Why don’t we get the charm out of the way, then I can make us lunch with what you do have.”

They both nodded.

“Ok, do either of you know how to perform the charm.” She asked.

“I can.” Remus said, “I learned alongside Lily.” Remus had to blink back tears at the mention of her name.

“Then you can be the witness Sirius” Minerva stood. “Shall we begin.”

They all stood Sirius holding Harry close with one arm, his free hand clasped over Minerva and Remus’s grip. Remus began the spell, but Sirius couldn’t focus on the words. The light began to fill the room, but Sirius couldn’t stop his guilt from taking over his mind. If he had just gone through with it the first time, James and Lily might still be alive. Harry might still have a family today. As quickly as the light had filled the room, it went out. Sirius could feel the rush of power as Remus pronounced the last syllable. They were safe now.

Sirius looked to Minerva then Remus tears in his eyes. Remus just pulled Sirius in close as Harry tugged at his hair, only half up today. “We’re safe now Pads. We can keep him safe and loved.”

Minerva waited a moment for Sirius to compose himself before speaking. “Is there anyone you would like me to tell. Or would you prefer to wait.”

“Maybe wait a few days, but if you could tell Andy and her family. Also, maybe Poppy in case we need her for Harry or after the moons.” Sirius got past the lump in his throat.

“Also under no circumstance should you tell Dumbledore. We aren’t comfortable with him knowing where we are or having easy access to Harry.” Remus added, Sirius nodding along.  

“Of course. I’ll leave you two boys to it. I’ll be by early tomorrow with some things for Harry. It appears you need a crib and other essentials. Consider it an engagement gift.”

“You don’t need to do that, Minnie,” Sirius mumbled as he pulled Minerva into a hug.

“I can, and I will. If I’m going to be his grandmother, I think it is only fair I spoil the boy. Don’t’ forget to take care of yourselves too.” Minerva pulled Sirius in close, “I am so proud of you Sirius. Maybe next time I can meet this elusive Padfoot, I’ve heard so much about.”

Sirius smiled, “How long have you known.”

“Since you started working on your transformations. Just tell me this; did you do it first.”

“Yeah, right before the first full moon of 4th year. I was the only one who had it done on time.”

“Goodbye, boys. I’ll be here at 10 o’clock sharp tomorrow. Get some rest and take care of yourselves.” With that, Minerva was gone.

“What do we do now,” Remus asked, pulling Sirius close as tears began to fall again.

“We make a plan,” Sirius answered pulling Remus with him to the sitting room setting Harry on the floor with some of his toys. “You need to find a job, and I can stay home with Harry. We need to decide who else can know where we are. We should probably plan the funeral soon, and we need to tell Petunia. They may not have gotten along, but she deserves to know, and I doubt Dumbledore told her.”

“Ok, we can do this. I can go out while Minerva is here tomorrow and start looking for a job; I saw the library down the street had a sign in the window looking for help. Maybe if I say I need to take my mom to the hospital once a month, they won’t ask too many questions.”

“Ok, that sounds good.” Sirius tried to smile, but the tears began to fall again. Remus pulled him closer as they cried together Harry playing with blocks on the floor.

Harry took a tumble, and his lip began to wobble. “Mama,” Harry began to wail. Sirius scooped him off the floor, “I want Mama” Harry continued to wail.

Sirius could barely speak through his sobs. “Mama isn’t here, buddy. But I am. I’ve got you.”

“Mama” Harry cried again hitting Sirius’s chest with his tiny fists.

“Mama isn’t here, what about Moony. You want Moony.” Sirius tried.

Harry just kept crying but had stopped hitting Sirius. Remus took Harry from Sirius rocking him back and forth gently. Soon Harry had stopped crying. 

[“We’re not ready for this” Remus murmured to Sirius has he turned to him. Sirius was placing his arm around Remus from behind.](https://feisty-slytherin1027.tumblr.com/image/185050754581)

[“We have to be,” Sirius answered, looking up at Remus before looking down at Harry](https://feisty-slytherin1027.tumblr.com/image/185050754581).

Sirius pressed into Remus’s back holding his family close. “We have to be because we don’t have another choice.”

Just then, a silver phoenix Patronus burst into the room. Dumbledore’s voice clear and emotionless. “Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers have attacked the Longbottom’s.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Feel free to drop a kudos or a comment. Or don't it's up to you. I'm not your mom or your boss.


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